I'm still trying to get this blog to look and feel the way I want it, but it involves a lot of nerdy stuff over my head--for now. In the meantime I'll try to slog and blog along until I become--BLOGMAN--who emerges from the telephone booth in a colorful costume and rockets through the blogosphere for Truth, Justice and the American Way.
...which gives me an idea for a cartoon. Hmm...Should BLOGMAN have a cape?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Out of the Loop.
On the table in the cafeteria, I spotted one of those celebrity magazines and thought it might amuse me for a few minutes. I didn't recognize anyone on the cover, so I started flipping through the pages--page after page of complete strangers.
Where the hell were Paul Newman and Jack Nicholson and Dinero? Where was Cher? There was not even a Michael Douglas or a Meg Ryan or a Bill Murray, never mind Jessica Lange or Shirley MacLaine or Lee Remick or--forget-about-it--Ingrid Bergman. A co-worker, a woman in her early forties, sat down across from me, and I waved the magazine in frustration. "Who are these people?"
She started pointing them out and naming them, one by one, and, still, only a few feint bells rang. I finally pointed at a picture of a woman who looked like she was on her way to a Halloween party.
"Who's this?"
"That's Lady Gaga."
"An actress?"
"She's a singer."
"Hmm," I said, flipping one page back and forth, "I seem to be out of the loop."
She laughed at me as I tossed the magazine aside. "You're way out of the loop."
As we headed back to work, I knitted my brows and kept murmuring to myself, "Lady Gaga?"
Well...so I'm out of the loop.... It wouldn't be the first loop I've been out of.
Back in high school, my best buddies gloried in buying illegal beer and spending entire evenings getting drunk--Yeah! Let's drink a lot nasty stuff until our bellies swell up and we can issue gigantic belches at the moon, then stagger around and puke on each others shoes! Yeah, yeah! What a blast!
I participated a few times, then told our beer buyer to get me two Cokes to supplement the cases of beer. I didn't abandon my friends, just the beer.
"The King of Coke," my buddies mocked.
"Better than that carbonated piss you guys drink."
We all laughed and laughed, they drunk, me sober.
The operative question is: Who's out of what loop?
The loop I'd love to be out of is the one where I work for a living.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Jesus Almost Walked On Water Again.
I was a set designer for about 20 years (nope, never joined the union to work on Broadway, although I painted for a couple of Broadway designers, one nominated for a Tony award). As set designer for the Seacoast Repertory Company in Portsmouth, NH in the 90s, we sat down for our first production meeting for JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, and the producer said, "We need something spectacular."
I stopped the meeting cold when I said, "We make Jesus walk on water."
After the chuckles died down, followed by a long pause, the producer said, "How're we going to do that?"
"Just imagine the scene," I said, "we have a small pool out of the way in an upstage corner. Jesus enters and walks about six feet across the top of the water, then an apostle who saw this happen tries to follow him, steps onto the pool and splashes down up to his waist."
"How would we do that?"
I was prepared with the answer. "We need a 4x8 foot sheet of clear plexiglass, one inch thick. The plexiglass sits in a slot one inch below the surface of the water. After Jesus walks across, we slide the plexiglass out of place, leaving a deep pool."
I had seen this movie--go to BEING THERE ending scene.:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=peter+sellers+being+there&oq=peter+sellers&aq=9&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_nf=1&gs_l=youtube-psuggest.1.9.0l10.3521.6863.0.16440.13.13.0.3.3.0.166.774.8j2.10.0.
"That would be fantastic," said the producer. So, we started the construction of the pool and started shopping for the plexiglass. Unfortunately, the plexiglass was too expensive for the producer, so we kept shrinking the pool until it came down to a 2x4 foot piece of plexiglass, about $500 worth. No can do.
The production was a notable success because we went with the producer's idea of embedding the cross in the surface of the stage floor, invisible to the audience until the crucifixion scene. Here's a composite photo of the set. A jagged cross is disguised in the floor as a dry, cracked riverbed.
I stopped the meeting cold when I said, "We make Jesus walk on water."
After the chuckles died down, followed by a long pause, the producer said, "How're we going to do that?"
"Just imagine the scene," I said, "we have a small pool out of the way in an upstage corner. Jesus enters and walks about six feet across the top of the water, then an apostle who saw this happen tries to follow him, steps onto the pool and splashes down up to his waist."
"How would we do that?"
I was prepared with the answer. "We need a 4x8 foot sheet of clear plexiglass, one inch thick. The plexiglass sits in a slot one inch below the surface of the water. After Jesus walks across, we slide the plexiglass out of place, leaving a deep pool."
I had seen this movie--go to BEING THERE ending scene.:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=peter+sellers+being+there&oq=peter+sellers&aq=9&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_nf=1&gs_l=youtube-psuggest.1.9.0l10.3521.6863.0.16440.13.13.0.3.3.0.166.774.8j2.10.0.
"That would be fantastic," said the producer. So, we started the construction of the pool and started shopping for the plexiglass. Unfortunately, the plexiglass was too expensive for the producer, so we kept shrinking the pool until it came down to a 2x4 foot piece of plexiglass, about $500 worth. No can do.
The production was a notable success because we went with the producer's idea of embedding the cross in the surface of the stage floor, invisible to the audience until the crucifixion scene. Here's a composite photo of the set. A jagged cross is disguised in the floor as a dry, cracked riverbed.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The Lottery.
It boggles the mind.
Last week, the Mega Millions lottery had built up to a prize of $640 million, and people were standing in line to buy five, ten or twenty tickets. I ran into a co-worker just ahead of me at a convenience store (I stopped for a six-pack of beer), and she said, "Don't forget your ticket," as she waved a handful of lottery tickets.
"Yeah, quick way to throw away a buck," I said.
Then, I had a thought. Wouldn't it be freakish and wonderful if I bought one ticket in 15 years and won?
Years ago, a girlfriend and I used to buy one New Jersey lottery ticket each every week because she liked watching the drawing on TV with her ticket in her hand, and one night I was amazed to discover that I hit five out of six numbers, Second Prize! Since First Prize amounted to about $10 million, we figured Second Prize had to be at least $50-100 thousand. I didn't get much sleep that night because I was busy spending the money in my dreams.
The next morning, I listened to a cashier with my mouth open as he explained that there must have been a lot of Second Prize winners, because the booty amounted to only $250. Oh well, it would pay for a good night out and an inspection sticker on my car, no new Mercedes this time.
I always figured that gambling was a loser's game; it's designed that way. Otherwise, giant casinos wouldn't be sprouting in deserts. And, the bigger the pot, the longer the line of losers.
My father loved betting money on horses. He always bet within his means, had fun, then walked away, win or lose, spending at most $100. I went to the horse races with him a few times, but I never understood the excitement. It wasn't as if I had my last million dollars riding on a horse. In the homestretch, my father would be yelling like a man possessed to save a $5 bet.
I wanted to say, "Excuse me, Dad, but your horse won't run any faster if you yell at him"
Same as me.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
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